The giant man/ my lover brought me dinner since I can’t leave, spent all night cleaning my kitchen and fighting my mountains of clothing and various stuff. (I have 3 rooms filled with stuff I kind of want to be free of or somehow find space for) they’re mostly in Room of Doom #1 and Room of Doom #2.
He packed a bunch of boxes to help me get ready for an eventual renovation I’m saving up for. We only fought like 3 times. I walked it off. We both get short, snappy and grumpy. I cleaned the bathroom. We both did laundry. That was really nice.
I’m not as mad, anymore.
But, also I already wrote some dramatic writing.
Inspiration, I suppose.
He has helped a lot in the past even if I don’t feel like it’s enough. I would like to give him credit for that. I suppose life is a little more extraordinary when you’re a content creator and I should have more grace and patience.
I tried to be more chill. I don’t know why we butt heads. Maybe other parts of life make us grumpy and short. We could both be kinder to one another instead of snapping.
He did a really good job. I have a little more space to move around again. Have to find this book in Room of Doom #2 I wanted to read and promote. The author is Rick Wilber, I highly recommend his work. Got new books. Hope to free up both Rooms of Doom in future.
He helped me lift the tv stand to put the rest of the rug down. I didn’t have the strength but he did. He works out like every day. It looks a lot better. I’m going to go live later today to finish building the tv stand.
I only spent about 2 hours protesting and boosting posts on social media today. There’s so much going on outside of home. It would be cool if there was more of me, if I could share what I’ve seen and do and if I could do more. I’ll have to focus on home first. I can and will still do more outside of home. 🌐 It is my desire and duty as a human being and world citizen to help others when it’s such a dire situation. Who knows? Maybe I make a difference. Their lives matter.
I have a home and it’s a lot more than what some people have. I am grateful and thankful. 🍉
Let’s have a great day today!
#blog #cindymoon #maihero #home #writing
I know I’m over thinking things and will eventually take onlyfans more seriously.
There’s people here with names like Home Wrecker, loves 2 swallow, Down with the thiccness and Cum Dumpster
pulling friends into their network
ugh, hilarious names.
How am I supposed to compete with that. 🤣
The poetry is not gonna do it. 🤣🤣🤣
Tighten up, Cindy.
Step up, Cindy.
(I’ll probably still keep writing various stuff)
I hope that’s the last essay I write here.
I know it’s a treat for people who enjoy stream of consciousness posts.
Maybe some of you enjoy the break from the constant feed of pussy, tits and cock on the wall feed.
I feel 1000 times lighter after expressing myself.
I feel a little silly, but today’s a new day.
It’s never too late to start a new beginning.
I know onlyfans isn’t a journal space but I enjoy using it as I please.
I think more people will be using onlyfans more casually in the future. I see people using it as a journal/blog space, fb, a place to sell classes, music or showcase their artwork/writing/cooking/acting/ glamour photos/cosplay photos/ vacation photos/ nature photos/ pet photos. It’s a fun space to be.
Thanks for being here for me and allowing me a space to be vulnerable and honest. I am not perfect, I have things to improve upon and I’ve done wrong, too. It was helpful for me to process and there has been good and help from him sometimes. Some chapters are growing chapters. I am human. So is he. I am attached. He might be, too. I care about him. It didn’t feel right for me to leave someone because their equipment didn’t work. They are human and I know my job is my responsibility. I will do better even if he won’t. Maybe I should communicate better instead of letting feelings and thoughts fester inside of me. I’m grappling with a lot and maybe I’m lashing out bc of my own inabilities to handle and finish everything. It’s okay to be incompatible. We must do what’s best for us.
There is a solution to everything. We just need to take it one step at a time and minimize distractions.
At the end of the day it’s up to me to write my own story and give myself a happy ending.
Topless photos here are not often or norm. I know i just posted a handful of disappearing topless photos. Just appreciate and worship me while they’re here cuz I’m chatty and feel like balancing things out. Thank you.
Much appreciated if you spam my wall or promote my link somewhere. Love u lots.
I’m gonna take a nap and will reset like always. I feel better after talking. I can’t even begin to explain what’s been going on and I don’t need to.
I have to mellow out, dabble in hobbies, explore healthy habits, maybe make friends and socialize once in a blue moon instead of living in weird chaos. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I don’t want any more distractions.
Would appreciate if you guys would spam my page with likes no matter what the post is and pls no more irl solicitations. I want to feel safe and normal, think straight and focus on taking higher quality photos. I can’t do that thinking about 100 people trying to connect with me rn, thank you.
Nothing needs to be said. I just needed to talk for a minute.
I want to radiate love, light, strength, warmth and horniness.
I can’t do that while dating someone who make me feel like the ugliest person in the world.
If you want me to stop seeing you as a loser then stop acting like one, wasting the sexiest years of my life doing bare minimum. I need people who make me feel attractive, loved, respected, valued and protected. People who want to be my biggest fan and think it would be easy, fun and hot to help and support me. Why are you making our life more difficult instead of easier?
I shouldn’t have to pull teeth to get 1 b/g video a YEAR.
Why are you making me endure the absolutely most stressful and embarrassing chapters of my life? We could make a b/g video every night and you’re making me fight you for 1 cloverfield quality video a year. I can’t live like this anymore.
I’m even coping by being radical sometimes. I don’t want to be nuts anymore trying to make it work with someone who clearly doesn’t value or appreciate me.
You are the worst person to do this with. You are the worst person a sex worker could do this with. You are the worst cheerleader a content creator could ever have. I never want to put on make up or cute outfits anymore from dating you. You won’t give me a real birthday, anniversary, vacation or even a movie date. You can’t call yourself my boyfriend if you won’t even take me on a date. I’m sick of helping you while you do bare minimum. I want a real man. Or woman.
You have me miserable, crying, writing essays on the internet and going to strangers to feel beautiful and valuable. This isn’t right. How stupid can you be? How stupid have I been?
I can’t afford being with a loser that isn’t good for my mental or emotional health. You won’t take this seriously or support me so I can make enough to get a car or a house with a yard. Why in the world would I want this? I feel so dumb for enduring for as long as I have; thinking I can love you out of whatever bs you’ve been stuck in. I can’t carry everything by myself anymore.
Just help out. Stop fighting with me and giving me more tasks like telling me to write you a list and telling me how I can do things better instead of getting off your flat ass and just asking “how can I help?, “ how can I make your day easier?” “What can I do or contribute to make you feel ready to tackle the day?”
I know I’m messy. Asking you to contribute time towards laundry, dishes and tidying while I’m scrambling to mentally feel gigantic enough to handle going live so I can talk to 100 people naked isn’t supposed to be punishment. If that’s too much for you then you have to move aside so someone who can handle some housework or social media promotion can help and chill me out.
You act like my job is easy and nothing. It’s not. It’s a real job. I won’t take care of someone who’s taking advantage of me and makes me feel small.
This isn’t fun, profitable, positive, adventurous or sexy with you. You won’t even take 5 minutes a day to record me up and down for Snapchats. You won’t even take 5 seconds to tell me good morning or tell me I’m beautiful. So what is the point? What am I staying for and why in the world should I take care of you? The grown idiot who can’t even do the dishes after I cook so I can stream during prime time and get us a Disney vacation? Are you a fucking moron???
You’re not worth this hell you’ve put me in. I am the one that’s out of your league. Not the other way around, you fucking worthless, ugly, old, cheap, pathetic, useless pos.
I need more than someone who grabs water and tp from Costco and calls it a day. I need more than someone who spends an hour on housework every two weeks. Taking out the trash and eating all my food is not enough. I need more than one b/g video a year. You need to step up or get tf out of the way. I need someone willing to zoom into my bhole so we can try to reach the top 0.000001 percent while I still look like my photos. Wtf are you doing? Are you waiting till I’m 50 to take photos of me? Go fuck yourself.
You should want to be good enough. You should be able to get your cock hard so I can try to make $500 doing something most girls do for free.
I can’t change you so I have to leave.
I have given you so much and you’ve barely given me anything and have the audacity to paint me as the bad guy. Go do life alone then. Cuz I’m not taking it anymore.
I don’t need whatever this has been with you. I keep waiting for you to make this worth it, to make effort, to do better and you won’t. I have no choice but to leave you before this all falls apart because Ive been dumb enough to keep trying to love someone who clearly doesn’t love me.
I am worth loving. You’re the one who isn’t and hasn’t been. I can’t do this sht with you anymore. You are my biggest hater, biggest drain and worst fan. There is no reason for me to stay. I don’t want to be miserable with you anymore. I want and deserve to be happy.
You’re a bitch.
Bye.
Go have that married woman you’re sleeping with help you with your bills cuz I don’t want to do it anymore.
I wish that I didn’t love you while you clearly have no capacity to love me.
If you can’t take attractive pics of me bending over every day, I seriously don’t want you.
This isn’t rocket science.
Get with the program or get tf out of the way.
There’s going to be a point in time where I get to relax and not feel the need to say much of anything online. I’m not there, yet but there will be that point. Probably when I have 1 or 2 people I can talk to that aren’t distractions and know how to listen to me. It feels weird to be loved and worshipped online when my reality is completely different.
